Vote for Me

Once upon a time, not so long ago and not at all far away, the Husband and I attended a candidate’s forum. We wanted to see the candidates in action, how well they spoke and articulated their ideas, their ease before an audience, their ability to answer questions about specific issues briefly and succinctly, and if they paid attention to their competitors when it was their turn to speak. All that fun stuff that we can’t tell from their campaign statements, their websites, or news articles about them. 

Here are  13 reasons some of the various candidates for local, state, and federal offices said why they should be elected. Not in these precise words, of course, but these ideas.

Vote for me because:

I am the face of the demographics of this district.

I am new. The incumbent has been in office too long, doesn’t matter that she has successfully executed what I would like to do if elected.

I’m the voice of my constituents who want to make sure anyone we don’t like is pushed back to the wall. Waaay back. 

I’m more qualified than any other candidate here. For more about me, go to my website.

I will carry on the legacy of my relative who served several terms in this same seat once upon a time.

I was born and raised here. My family goes back literally 500 generations.

I will represent my constituents, you know who you are. 

I am for slow, smart growth. Whatever that is. 

I will bring transparency to the office. Our county will soon be in some kind of danger, which only I can resolve because only I know the problem.

I’ve been to more board meetings than all of the other candidates combined.

I do not want new taxes. 

I’ll get rid of any and all teaching of critical thinking skills and any U.S. history that makes us chosen ones look bad.

I know what I’m talking about. You may not understand me, but believe me when I say you want me to represent you. Trust me. What was I saying?

Heaven help us.

It’s time for Thursday 13. Cheers!