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Digging

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A few months after the Daddy died, the Mama needed me to uncover the septic tanks in the back yard so that the service guys could come and clear them out. So, one weekend I drove down from San Francisco, where I lived at the time, to do her bidding. The Older and Only Brother lived a few minutes away from her, but she rarely bothered him with such tasks. "He's busy. He has to work on Saturdays. He has a family." 

The day of digging was the same day that the Mama went to Reno with the local Filipino club. Her friends had convinced her to go. It would be a good change for her, they told her. I was very relieved that she would not be home. Back then we were always on tense terms. And, if I was doing physical work, it was best to leave me alone.

There were two septic tanks in the Mama's backyard. I had no idea. I thought there was only one and I knew where it was. I dug out the tank just like that. 

The Mama had a hazy idea of where the second tank was. "Someplace by the bittermelon."

So I dug a hole in the vegetable garden. Nothing.

I tried another spot and dug. Nothing.

Ninong Danny, one of the godfathers of mine, dropped by, as I started a third hole. I hoped he would pick up a shovel and help me. Or, at least pretend to dig. Nope. He laughed at all the holes in the yard, watched me dig for a bit, then left. I head him laughing all the way to the garage.

With dumb luck I found the second septic tank on the fourth digging. Did I say it was a hot summer day? 

I covered all the holes just before the Mama returned home that evening.

She had won $300 at the slot machines. "I think your daddy was guiding me," she said. She gave me $20 and set aside $30 for the Older and Only Brother.

"Why does he get more?" I asked.

"He's a boy." The Mama said.

"I dug holes all afternoon looking for that damn second tank. He didn't do a thing."

But I knew she was not giving me money for doing the work. She was sharing her winnings with her children. 

The Mama is of a generation and a culture in which females are short changed a lot. That day many years ago, as usual, I felt slapped in the face for being a girl rather than a boy. 

Has the Mama's attitude changed over the years? Some. Maybe.

Comments

  1. OMG My mother was the same. The "boy" in the family got everything. BUT she kind of ruined my brother's life. Example... we lived beside a lake. She would not allow my brother to go in the water. I was in the water all the time. I swam the mile across the lake when I was little, back and forth. My brother never learned to swim and is afraid of water now.
    I do understand.

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    1. It's stuff like this that makes us stronger. Either that or be bitter and miserable. I like being happy. :-)

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  2. Wow, I would think that in a family where more value is placed on the boy, more responsibility would be as well. You seem to be in a good place on the matter, I don't sense any aggravation, you seem more regretful of the situation. I applaud you for being so patient with your mother. I don't know that I could have held my tongue.

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    1. The Mama and I had our battles as we both grew and evolved over time. I put it into perspective that she has had a tough life since childhood. She knows what she was taught. Amazingly, she has has thrown out some of the old teachings.

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  3. Dear Su, that was a funny and sad story. There has always been, and I suspect always will be discrimination in the whole wide world and yes, even in families. Women, no matter where, always have it the worst. Maybe that's our big penance while we're on this earth, but when we get to Heaven maybe we get the best of everything?! Thanks for sharing this story. Blessings and love, MoonWynd

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. I wonder where in the evolution of society that certain males decided it was necessary to place females in a subjugated (correct term?) role. Was it in revenge? Was it merely a power struggle between two leaders, one who happened to be a man, the other a woman? Could that be the metaphor of Adam and Eve?...Ah, you got me both thinking.

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  4. What fun stories you share! I had to come check out your blog when I saw the title; LOVE your title!
    Happy A-Zing!
    www.binkeyandbubblegumbooks.wordpress.com

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  5. What a sad story. I am glad you have to come to a peace with the Mama, most of the time, and can share your strength with her now. You're a good woman Susieee Mac!

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    1. Thank you, Widdershins. It's taken a lifetime for both of us to find the peace that we're each at today. Some moments are tougher, but even if they are, they're done.

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Thanks for the good cheer. :-)

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