Sunday, May 13, 2018

Celebrating with Children in a Parallel Universe


I wanted five children. It didn't matter if they were all girls, all boys, or some kind of combination. I like to think that's happening in a parallel universe. I wonder what their names are. Even today, I'll come across a name that I think is a nice candidate for one of my would've been kids. Maeve, Emmie, Sophia, Emerson, Benjamin James. . . . I like strong, happy names.

So, here I am, seven months shy of receiving Medicare, childless. Every time I thought I was pregnant, several days later, hello menses. I had an irregular cycle, so I tried fertility drugs as well as acupuncture to help get my reproductive system going. The acupuncture was a trip. When all the needles were inserted, I instantly felt like my spirit sprung out of my body and tap danced on the ceiling.

In the early 1990s, during the first week of vacation in Washington, I took a home pregnancy test. Yes, by golly! The First Husband and I went immediately into let's-take-care-of-me-and-the-fetus mode. Yippeee! Two weeks later, our car got a flat in the middle of no where eastern Oregon. The First Husband had physical problems that made it hard for him to change the tire by himself. So, of course, I helped.

A day later, still on the road, I began bleeding. In a panic, I called the gynecologist's office right away. They assured me that the store-bought pregnancy test was 100% accurate and to come into the office once I got home.  I did. They found no evidence of pregnancy, and assured me that I couldn't count on the accuracy of the pregnancy test. I didn't care (still don't) what the doctors said, I knew I was pregnant and I felt strongly that we would have had a son.

The next year, the First Husband was diagnosed with cancer. After a long and tough fight, the First Husband's spirit soared up into the Heavens the following year.  If I hadn't miscarried, our son would be in his mid-20s today. I like to think that in another parallel universe, he's living a centered life with much joy and peace and love.


To all you mothers out there, a Happy Mother's Day every day of the year!


It being Sunday, I'm linking up with All Seasons, a weekly meme hosted by Jesh at Artworks from Jesh St.G. Click here to check out Jesh and her meme. For the participants list, click here. Thanks, Jesh!



22 comments:

  1. Thanks and best wishes for you...We are in His hands...And He is good!Hugs!

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    1. I appreciate the kind words. Hugs to you, too. :-)

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  2. Oh Susan --- this made me cry and smile at the same time. I'm sure that young man is happy in that parallel universe as he would have been in yours!

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  3. You would have been a spectacular mom - funny, caring, generous … today, we all benefit from your spirit, which vibrates fully through your blog. I hope you find solace in this, and in other relationships that bring you love and joy.

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    1. My heart feels sparkly with your words. Thank you, Angie.

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  4. Life has given you some extremely hard knocks.And having read your cute and funny art, I know you have the right tone with children. Ever thought helping in a children's home? Because those children need parents to love them. Am humbled by your courage to share this with All Seasons. Give your love away,Susie. There are so many children who need it...

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    1. Thanks, Jesh, for your wisdom. I've worked with kids in the past and enjoyed that period. I like to think that the educational and reference books I created helped some children some where. I don't see myself as having had a tough or rough life. This makes me more grateful to my parents for raising me as they did.

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  5. We are all in the hands of God...
    Wishing you all the best!

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    1. Yes we are. Thank for saying so. :-)

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  6. Finally figured out how to "comment as" in Blogger, so here I am at long last. I love your blog. I'm sorry you didn't get to mother in the way that you wanted but I have no doubt you have mothered along the way. I don't know anybody who hasn't, really. Even my son - who is a great mother to my grand puppy. Happy Mother's Day to you too!

    Deb

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    1. You're right, Deb. I loved the time with nieces and nephew when they were younger. When I was caring for the Mama in her later years, I wondered at times if this is what it felt, especially the last weeks when her body was shutting down. Thanks, Deb.

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  7. That happened to me once! I was 8 weeks pregnant and got electricuted. The next day I started bleeding. I had taken multiple pregnancy test and when I went to the hospital they dumb doctor said are you sure you were pregnant. Sure I was pregnant. Though I unlike you I have that family. I am so sorry you never had the family you dreamed up. I am sure you are just as much a mother as any mother. It takes a village and I am sure you help all those around you, but I know me saying this doesn't take away your pain. Sending love and hugs!

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    1. I'm glad you told me your story, Kelleyn. I feel supported. Yup, just like you. I was sure I was pregnant. Silly doctors, what do they know. lol. I love the hugs. Sending some right back at you. Thank you!

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  8. I'm sorry. Sometimes things don't work out the way we hope they will. But usually you get something else in return.

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    1. Yup, I did get something else. Books. Some of them took nine to ten months to finish, which I laughingly said to the Mama could be like going through pregnancy. I had a lot of pregnancies. lol

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  9. Maybe you'll catch up with them the next time around. :)

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  10. I’m so sorry to hear how much you wanted children and were not given that chance. You would have made. Great mom and I know you are in the other universe.

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    1. Thanks, Birgit. What was most hurting back then was how busybody people thought I was purposely not having children. Such is life.

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  11. Thank you for sharing your heart.
    To me, you ARE family . . . I'm always grateful for your sharing . . Makes me feel there's company along the way. I sure enjoy your writing, the way you give us a story . . even when it's challenging, you offer us hope. love & love, -g-

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    1. "company along the way", a wonderful way of putting it, G. Thank you!

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Thanks for the good cheer. :-)